and all this time I was just lying to myself.

I'll never forget the day that I was struck with writers block. Coming out of the awful end of a relationship and preparing to enter another one that would end on the same note; I thought maybe somewhere in it all, I could find a way to spill what I was feeling onto paper. Never really realizing it until I tried, the words never did come out the way I had planned. Maybe that's where this is headed. Who really knows.

Somebody, somewhere once told me that tragedy is a way to find inspiration. I truely don't believe in that. The events that have transpired over the last seven and a half years have brought me to the conclusion that no matter how great the tragedy, I can't find the words to describe my feelings. At one point and time in life, I had no trouble what so ever doing so. Alas, here I sit, typing away, trying to find something to say without looking like I'm saying nothing. Reading poetry and lyrics of some of my favorite authors/musicians, one day I'd like to give my contribution to the world. Maybe someone, somewhere will connect with it as I have found myself doing so many times.

Writing never was something I aspired to do, but I had a knack for it and enjoyed it in a theraputic sense. I tend to leave it to the professionals when it comes to finding the right words to say. But still, the recent events of the past week has brought me to the realization that no one has writen anything worth while to deal with my situation. Sure, hollywood takes on the subject, usually in a romantic or comedic fashion where the end is always the same. Happy. Guy gets girl, vice versa. I think my words have finally caught up to me.

"I am always tearing sutures out to make the anguish last like it defines me."

I'm probably the worst person in the world at being single. There's nothing appealing about it to me at this point and time of my mid-20's. I hate meeting new people and worst yet, I hate trying to meet girls. I've been single since April, so that makes it what? 8 months or so? Whatever, thats not important. What is, is that every single girl I've met, is a complete moron whom of which I can't seem to not want to blow my brains out five minuts into conversation.

Now I don't want to hear the bullshit "Oh, you'll find someone." "There's someone out there for everyone.". Maybe my standards are a bit high, maybe I'm just a little insecure about things in my life, I don't know. Regardless, being single sucks.

Getting back to the basics.

I'm going to use this a little more often. Getting things off my chest has been a problem as of late so that's going to be the main focus on this. You might call it bitching on the internet, but, well... its bitching on the internet.