I can't help it. I'm drowning, idiot.

sometimes my mind goes a bit further then I'd like it to. I try not thinking about terrible situations but I can't help it. I wonder sometimes just how fucked up my head is. I can't stand the amount of instability I have. it builds up to a point where I'll have a panic attack for no apparent reason, when in all reality it's just the scenarios I play out in my mind that cause them. this is a curse. rightfully so I suppose. born this way, die this way.

sometimes my heart sinks more than I'd like it to. you know that feeling you get when you misplace your phone or your keys when you're running late for work? I don't have any sort of outlet. no one wants to hear me complain about the same things day in and day out, so I bury it. I bury it until I can't fucking take it anymore. you want to know what goes through the mind of someone who, more than likely, is clinically insane? just ask me what it's like to wake up everyday. imagine my disappointment when the world didn't end.

three words could make this all go away but I'll never ask you to say them.

am I ok? no.

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